What are you telling me?

I had another dream...this time it was regarding my childhood home that I was hesitant to leave. My mother and I walked into the home, and there were some guys directing renovation; which consisted of money green and off white designs with bibles inbedded in the pillars... and the borders of the wall were green and off white also. When entering the hall and seeing the stairway to the third floor, the walls became decrepit and were falling apart. There were old documents with our family name, and my mom and I began to fight for our home when the guy disrespected us; telling us that he paid money to someone in the family that sold it to them...things got heated when he called my mother and I "bi****, and I lost control. In the end, he gave my mother and I a bundle of money (the amount he paid for the home), and he returned the home to us. My mother called my grandmother and told her which part of the house she can have, and we had called my dad for his input about our ownership...it was confirmed through him that we were all entitled even if one member betrayed us. I feel my mother at this time...she is sending me a message...my past is decrepit, but there are some parts that I will take with me...and it is time to leave the pain behind...

An epiphany...

I had a dream...that my mom was waiting at a bus stop after I was shot by an unknown man (different culture), and although I did not feel pain at first, I felt a numbness that radiated through my whole left side, but when I came upon her, the pain was relevant and real...once she hugged me and told me that everything would be alright...I knew that it was time to accept that she was gone; but she still watches over me...I am starting this blog out in remembrance of her because she is the reason for my being...and my journey on from here...she was angelic and humble more than I can ever imagine, but I will take her characteristics with me along my journey...I will become a part of her personality...and even more...I will make her proud...forever more...to Sybil Louise who was known as "Angel"...this will always become a footprint from you...I love you Mom, and I will never forget you or your struggles, but I will make you proud according to your subcultural beliefs and practices...

Carolyn Billups